The Case for Early Marriage

August 14, 2009 in Current Affairs,Family with 4 Comments

200908130836.jpgIndeed, over 90 percent of American adults experience sexual intercourse before marrying. The percentage of evangelicals who do so is not much lower. In a nationally representative study of young adults, just under 80 percent of unmarried, church- going, conservative Protestants who are currently dating someone are having sex of some sort. I’m certainly not suggesting that they cannot abstain. I’m suggesting that in the domain of sex, most of them don’t and won’t.    

What to do? Intensify the abstinence message even more? No. It won’t work. The message must change, because our preoccupation with sex has unwittingly turned our attention away from the damage that Americans—including evangelicals—are doing to the institution of marriage by discouraging it and delaying it.

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Very interesting article about something that a number of us having been talking about lately. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

The Case for Early Marriage | Christianity Today | A Magazine of Evangelical Conviction.

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  • http://undergroundvineyard.org Jason Coker

    Interesting. Jenell and I celebrated our 18th anniversary Monday. We were married at 19. As youth pastors for several years we openly advocated for early marriage – and I even officiated at the weddings of a few of our youth alumni at early ages – much to the consternation of several parents and elders in our congregation. Funny thing was, even at the time (8-10 years ago) we were generally married longer than the older adults who protested our views (many of whom were on second or third marriages).

    I think we have a few significant hurdles to overcome if, as Christians, we’re going to insist on preserving a biblical view of marriage.

    The first is that it’s untenable to expect people to wait much past the age of 17 to have sex. We’re just not biologically wired for that. I’m not saying it’s impossible, but it’s certainly not natural, nor biblical for that matter.

    Second, from an anthropological perspective, we no longer need marriage. It may be statistically the best context in which to raise a child, but it’s certainly not necessary for sex or child-rearing – neither of which are the overarching purpose for marriage to begin with. Marriage functions as a way of creating new kinship alliances in a tribal society. But we’re not a tribal society anymore, hence marriage has become a vestigial tradition that is slowly but surely being discarded. If marriage is to be preserved we’ll have to be able to demonstrate that it’s the best solution to a serious problem, rather than what you do when you fall truly in love – which is what we’ve made it out to be in the absence of the need for kinship alliances.

    One last note. I’ve never heard anyone talk about the Christian practice of marriage from an eschatological perspective, but I think it’s worth exploring the trans-cultural purpose of marriage (which I’ve suggested is the creation of alliances) alongside Jesus’ words about the eradication of marriage in the Kingdom (Matt 22). If marriage is so good, why won’t there be any marriage in the age to come? Why is it necessary now, but not necessary in the consummated Kingdom? Is our understanding of the purpose of marriage (whatever that might be, i.e. love, sex, child-rearing, protection, modeling the relationship between Christ and the church, etc) consistent with it being done away with in the future? We’ve elevated the concept of marriage so high that it’s become difficult for Christians to conceive of the idea that God would put an end to it just when everything is supposed to get good, but perhaps that reveals our erroneous understanding of the practice.

    Just thinking out-loud.

    • http://www.williamguice.com William Guice

      Jason, I love the line…

      “if marriage is to be preserved we’ll have to be able to demonstrate that it’s the best solution to a serious problem, rather than what you do when you fall truly in love”

      That is so on. We have lost perspective on marriage and blur the line between the communal bonds and structures it creates, with the civil and the emotional bonds it creates as well. There are a probably many many more angles that I am missing.

      I really like the idea of the marriage being a radical picture of the Gospel. Two people giving themselves to each other and for each other in ways that seem almost anti-human. My biggest concern being for my wife’s well-being and not my own. I consider her more important and her needs greater than mine. This is truly a radically different picture than what you & I see and you communicated…it’s what you do when you fall in love or have found “the one.”

      Have you read any on the orthodox idea of eternal marriage. That marriage bonds do extend into the age to come?

  • http://undergroundvineyard.org Jason Coker

    Well said.

    I haven’t read about eternal marriage, but I’m intrigued. I’ll check into it, thanks!

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The Case for Early Marriage